Doctor Who?

What Doctor?

I have been struggling with some health issues that have come up recently... 1. High Blood Pressure 2. Hives - Consistent (Skin Sensitivity) 3. Chest Pains.

The Doctor that I am seeing currently has given me a low dose of blood pressure medication, but after having another episode of hives last night while working out, I started experiencing chest pains. It felt like heart-burn, but in the center of my chest between the breasts and upper abdomen. That is the best way that I can describe it. My husband took my blood pressure after sitting on the couch, not moving, for 30 minutes and it read on the left arm 134/104, the right arm read 141/102... I haven't missed a day in taking my blood pressure medication... and after resting for 30 minutes having it be that high still is not good.

So today, I attempt to call my Doctor and talk to his nurse so I can find out what my ultra-sound was for my renal arteries that provide blood-flow to my kidneys as well as inform her of what had happened last night and the blood pressure readings. The operator transferred me to the nurse's phone, but no one had picked up after 5 minutes of ringing.

It is super frustrating not being able to get through... I guess I will just have to be an asshole and keep contacting them until they tell me what the hell is going on with me.

I was super healthy in high school, I was in sports all 4 years and all seasons of high school... it's been 7-8 years though now, so I suppose I should stop using that as my basis of how healthy I SHOULD be... My dad had, and still has, high blood pressure. When he was my age, he struggled to get into the Coast Guard because of it; he was healthy and fit at that point too. My mom, her mom, and my older brother all have bad kidneys.

I'm going to keep calling them until I get some answers... Gaht Dangit.

1.21 Gigawatts!!

GREAT SCOTT!


I am thinking about the future today. I am not sure if I had a dream about it or not, but I all of a sudden just really want to save money and travel/road-trip to a bunch of different places. We only have this one lifetime to do ANYTHING that we want to. Being able to travel around the United States / Globe, would be quite a life to experience. If I/we don't spend my/our money, and save it, this is VERY possible to do.

With the right mind-set, the right goals, and achieving those goals, we could be hopping from place-to-place in no time. And just because we might be traveling doesn't mean we can't save money for a house for when we get back at the same time. I feel if we set aside two accounts, one for travel and one for a home, we could do our very best to make this happen for us. We would definitely need to find side jobs to help support ourselves while traveling and saving for home. Anything is possible!

I love my husband so very much, and I want to make the best of this life as I can spending it with him.

Manners.

Excuse me...
Because this is going to be a pessimistic post regarding someone who irritates the living fecal matter out of me.

You, sir. Need to grow the hell up... You are almost 50 years old, but you act like you are a spacey 18 year old, it's not professional. You not only irritate me, but you irritate everyone else I have spoken to. You are nosy, inconsiderate, selfish, and just a gigantic PAIN IN THE ASS! All you do is pity yourself and expect me to pity you... YOU'RE A GROWN ASS MAN. No one cares about you, and I have a feeling you can sense it, otherwise, why else would you need validation on EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DO... why do you come to me crying everyday about how horrible things are for you.
When I have people that I am speaking to, in my 'space', that means I am busy and you need to wait your fucking turn... Not interrupt. May I reiterate, that YOU'RE A GROWN ASS MAN! Do not come into my 'space' and ask to use something, then bring it back, and say to me 'Thank You', and EXPECT me to say 'You're Welcome'.... Are you fucking kidding me?! ALL that you do is annoy everyone... I don't HAVE to fucking talk to you if I don't want to... Is that fucking childish... NO! BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING ANNOYING! You think that it's 'okay' to come into my 'space', and stand in the doorway and literally talk to me for a FULL HOUR completely about yourself. I GET FUCKING ANNOYED that you are taking up my time. I have shit to do... I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS!

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SPACE AND PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS YOU FUCKING TWAT!


JESUS H. CHRIST.

I'm done.  

Wealthy Knowledge

Books.

I recently bought several books from Amazon about parenting and a few about death and dying, including one that I am excited about getting in the mail that has factual research completed discussing life after death. In this life there is not a lot of time for us to be twiddling our thumbs, or getting balls-deep into shit that doesn't matter, i.e. Facebook, fictional movies, video games, internet browsing, etc. We all know what wastes our time, we just choose not to recognize it because we are comfortable where we are and what we are doing. My husband has been a book-worm for this past year now, and it truly inspires me to see him gaining all of this knowledge that it makes me want to start on myself as well.

Lately, after doing some self-reflecting with my husband, I have interests right now in; the 'Death Industry', the after-life, history, and parenting. Sort of a weird combo, but I suppose that it can be seen as learning about the start of life and learning about the end of life. I can tell you that I am EXTREMELY excited to learn more and to continue buying books. I would be SO OVERJOYED if my Eye Doctor can fix my vision to where I am able to read for a long period of time, that would be PERFECTION to me!

If you are interested in the 'Death Industry', I would recommend reading "Smoke Gets in your Eyes - & Other Lessons from the Crematory" by Caitlin Doughty.

She brings examples of what she has learned in the Crematory/Mortuary and life experiences with a humor to what would seem like a morbid situation. Totally my cup-o'-tea. Love it!

It is rainy today... and all the college students are out on Spring Break, including my Boss. I am here though, manning-down-the-fort. I will be reading :)

Ciao!     

It's the Freakin'-Weekin'

Let's try my hand at some erotic-fan fiction shall we? Let's see if my imagination can fly.

She walks into a laundry-mat carrying her heavy basket of clothes. She listens to the old glass front door swing back in place behind her as she notices all eyes are on her unfortunately. These eyes pierce into her soul it seems, that's why she doesn't make eye-contact with others. She keeps her head down to her basket of clothes as she attempts to find an empty washer to use. The smell of all brands of dryer sheets and a smell of dampness fills her nostrils.

She finds the last empty washing machine in the joint, and sets down her basket of laundry. She suddenly was blinded by a reflection hitting her in the eyes from the sunlight through the window reflecting off of someone's cell phone. She holds her hand over her forehead to block the light to see who it is that blinded her... she sees a life-form sitting burly on the wooden bench across the room who is apparently trying to get her attention. To avoid interaction, she ignores the sunlight hitting her in the face blinding her and kept her head down to just focus on getting her clothes washed. To her unpleasant surprise, he walks up to her and stands next to her basket of clothes on the floor she was working from. Panicked, she tries to pretend that she doesn't see him for one, and pulls her basket closer to her to indicate that he has invaded her bubble of space. The man apparently seems to have some hand jewelry because he then began to tap it against the machine next to her as an indication that he is waiting for her to look up... her next decision was to study the man's shoes to figure out what kind of guy this is... he is wearing Vans shoes, the shoes have been well taken care of, hardly any wear-n-tear. Her intuition of this guy is that he's a skater-type guy, enjoys adventure, friendly apparently, and will most likely have a good looking face given the condition he keeps of his shoes, but why in the hell is he wearing hand jewelry?

When she finishes the last bit of clothes, and closes the door of the washer to start it, she stands up straight and turns toward him...

To Be Continued.

     

Frightening Event

Hives.

I can't believe it happened AGAIN. Last night while running the bleachers at the local track, my feet began to tingle and so did my finger tips. I knew at that point that my body was beginning it's, now typical, allergic reaction to something. But what in the Hell is it?!

This has happened to me about 4-5 times now within the last 2 years and each incident shows up randomly when I am working out. My husband and I are trying to figure it out, but we have come to some conclusions.

• I've worn a particular track jacket each time this has happened. (it was washed, not dirty)
• I've worn the same shoes each time this has happened.

Now I don't know if those two things combined with sweat has anything to do with it, or if it's friction between the clothing item/shoe with my body. I am starting to think it's the friction causing the heat/sweat to enter my body.

A glimpse into what happened last night:

I finished running my second set of stairs, and I began to feel that tingly sensation on the bottoms of my feet and the fingertips in my hands. I told my husband that we needed to go home immediately. Of course we rode our bike/skateboard to the track, so we had at least half a mile to get home as quickly as possible so that I can take my antihistamine. I get home, go up the stairs to our apartment as quickly as possible, unlock the door, storm into the bathroom... at this point my eyes are almost swollen shut... ripped open the medicine cabinet and tried to find the medicine. Finally found it, stumbled to the couch (I was beginning to black out again), laid down and tried to relax myself. I was breathing rapidly, like I had just ran a marathon.. and that pattern of breathing continued until the antihistamine kicked in. My whole body began to turn red, my face was swollen as Hell.. and then the god-awful itch arose all over my body. I was sweating like crazy, it was hard to breathe, it felt like I was dying or something or just really REALLY sick. I felt like I could puke several times, but knew if I did that the medicine wouldn't work. I tried to keep telling myself that I need to calm myself down or else it's going to get worse. My husband was there for me, doing as I had asked of him, which was a HUGE help. I knew he was very frustrated and scared, I was scared too.

It took a few hours for my body to finally be 'okay'... but I still couldn't get up without being lightheaded, so from 6:30-9:30, I was out... I couldn't do anything. I went to bed at 9:30 or so and slept through the whole night. This morning I feel a lot better, but my finger tips and feet are sore / a little bit numb feeling.

Any of you out there have any suggestions or can relate to these same circumstances? It is only when I am working out that this happens. A PA in the past had told me that I should just take antihistamines before working out, every time. But I just want to know what it is coming from, because it doesn't happen every time I work out, only randomly (or so I think).

Visionary... My Vision is Scary.

Welcome Friends.

I am about to say, to hell with it, and get my eyes Lasik'ed... I am currently seeing SUPER blurry text as I type this, and my vision just seems to be getting worse and worse. I have night/day contacts and for the past several years, have slept in them.. as you can with those kind of contacts. Unfortunately... my vision is currently -7.50 in BOTH EYES! My right eye is starting to develop an astigmatism and it has been driving me completely insane. I have been wanting to read my GD books, and I can only read a few pages before I have to completely close one eye in order to see a line of text.
I don't know whether my eye doctor has just 'given up' on trying to correct my vision or there is no hope for me, because each time I go in, he helps it VERY slightly... but doesn't correct the blurriness. all he does is make my contacts power higher and higher every time I go in. I am starting to wonder if maybe I should see a specialist or something in the bigger city, or if I should spend the thousands of dollars to get LASIK. I tell you what. I have about had it with these damn vision problems... I would imagine that staring at the sun off and on during childhood didn't help my case one bit.
Sigh...

Wish me luck that I don't gouge out my eyeballs.

A Day To Celebrate!

You may call her an Irish Princess.:)

Happy Birthday, Sydnie!

My Best Friend turns 26 today!

Pity-Party... Party of 1

Exhausted.

I am not sure how many times we have discussed having people over at our apartment past midnight... but I know it has been more than 3 times. I am trying to look at the bright side, however, in knowing that my husband needed someone else to talk to, as he has been going through a lot of negative feelings and thoughts from his path in life. He really did need a friend, but I also really need sleep.

I could actually feel myself going in and out of REM sleep... (Rapid-Eye-Movement - deepest active dreaming sleep). After my body realized that it was fully awake, I was furious... but then. I thought about how he needed someone to talk to, and tried to give it my all to just try and fall back asleep. Alas, no such luck... I was awake for about an hour and a half (it was 2:30 a.m. by this time).

I know... pity-party, party of one.

Oh well, the only thing that I can do from this point is to tell myself that today is going to be a good day, and press onward. No sense in dwelling, I am awake and at work now.

I hope someday he listens to me though, and values the things that I ask... just as I do for him.

 

Duff Beer for Me, Duff Beer for You

Wait... Where's my Beer?

My husband and I had a conversation yesterday about what we want in life, what our goals are. Being newly-weds, we are just beginning to find out that our ideas don't mesh completely together as one cohesive idea (What the Hell?!). All I have been hearing is what HE wants... but what the Hell do I want? I want to be happy too, where's my Duff Beer at?

Thus far... my plan as a wife was to have a job as a second income, not bringing home the thick strips of bacon, but some bacon bits to help support our lifestyle habits. I wanted to go to my job, which I do currently enjoy quite a bit, come home and then relax with my husband. This is a key point of happiness for me. Our situation isn't where I had pictured it at all though... but I suppose that is what most people would respond to me as, "Life". As a planner, this can get very frustrating... but what can I do about it? Make a new plan I guess?

Another goal that I have been thinking about is actually getting out of this area. I have lived in this small tri-city farming community for 17 years, I have grown very comfortable staying here around most all of my family. I feel that in order to experience this life, that I should at least TRY to move away for a while, and experience things on my own without the comfort of family support. This would also mean moving away from what little friends are left here to attempt to make new ones. This is kind of scary to me, but now that I am thinking about it... if I get involved in Co-Ed sports, I could easily make friends with those who have the same interests as I do! Maybe I will start looking at new areas in Oregon to explore and see if Hubby is down for it? (OOOoo! Now I am getting kind of excited about the thought of it!)

The last major goal, was to own a house... we aren't sure where we want our homestead to be, but our goal is to find one eventually. A couple of ideas that we have talked about was buying a home then starting an 'isolation-tank' business from out of a shop we would have. We not only could use the tank ourselves therapeutically, but it could be a source of income. I am not completely sure about that idea, but I suppose I would need to research the up-keep of the tanks to get a good feel for it. We had also discussed traveling. I am not sure if we would be able to travel AS WELL as own a home.. we aren't sure what would be more expensive at this point... to rent and travel, or own and travel. We want to travel for about a month somewhere to take in culture of another country, just need to be able to plan that b*tch out first somehow...

So..

1. Successful & Happy Career/Job
2. Moving out of Town
3. Buying a Home and/or Traveling.

Can anyone help us decide what order we should do these things in? It is driving both of us crazy...

'I want to ride my bicycle.... I want to ride my biiike'

March 8th, 2015 - First Bike Ride!

O - M - G

I absolutely am in LOVE with my new bicycle! It has been years since I have had a 'new' bike. I have been holding out on posting this mainly because the same day we bought this bike, it was later that same day, my husband's bike was stolen. :(

That morning we planned out our day, and we decided we should go around bike shopping. We started locally to see what the shops had, but there wasn't that huge of a selection. We pressed onward to the capital of Idaho to see some friends and continue our bike shopping. My husband really wanted to stop by his friend's tattoo shop to see how he was doing. His friend let us know NOT to buy from Wally-World due to the crappy materials they use to build the bicycle. In my head, I was thinking... well shit, because I had planned on buying a particular one I had my eye on for only $150. I suppose his friend was right though... why in the hell is a bike selling for $150?? Because it is made with shitty material and it just won't last.

We took his friend's advice and hit up a couple of local shops there in town which had WAY more selection. We stopped by the first recommended shop, looked around for a little while at the mountain bikes that my husband was Oogling over. We then made our way over to the side of the shop which had the 'Cruiser' style bicycles. In my head, the song... 'I'm in Heaven...' popped in. There were SO many cute bikes, but they were also very much expensive ones too. I noticed they had a style called Townie.. and the super cute colors they had. The one that caught my eye though was the Peach Color bike with Turquoise wheels that another gal was holding, and wanting to take for a test ride. She barely had walked up to that one as I had walked into that section. I listened closely to see if maybe when the gal got back that she would decide she wouldn't want that bicycle after-all so that way I could ride it, and make my purchase. But no.. She fell in love just as I did... and bought the bike. My heart sank, I REALLY loved the look of that bike. I told my husband that we should try the next store.

We left, got to the next shop, and went straight to the 'Townie's' section. O - M - G, the EXACT SAME BIKE WAS THERE!!! Same color, same wheels, same cuteness! All I wanted to do was just take the bike up to the register and check out, but I knew that wouldn't be smart, especially if I didn't try the other bikes too. We tried the other bikes, but the peach beauty was always in the corner of my eye. I was freaked out that another gal might come in and snatch it right up. After test riding it, it was a dream. My husband kept suggesting, well maybe you should get a mountain bike, that way we can take it anywhere? But my heart was set on this 7-speed... there was no changing my mind. Squealing all the way home after the purchase, we were both SO excited to ride bikes together when we got home that day.

We made it home, but something was... off. Ryan's bike was not attached to the railing near our front steps... just the bike lock was left. Ryan went into shock and then a slow rage... (as anyone would)... Ryan's bike was stolen while we were shopping. :( I felt completely horrible. Here I was with a new bike, and his bike that he had worked extremely hard on, is now obsolete.

We called the police, made a police report, and glumly went back upstairs to our apartment. We both hoped that whoever stole it got into a wreck due to the fact it was a fixed gear, Peugeot road bike with no brakes. :) We also hope that they get sick of it and dump it somewhere for the police to find. All we can do is wait.. We have posted on social media as well as craigslist that it had been stolen. My poor baby. Someday we can go on a bike ride together, we hope it is sooner rather than later.

Bad Dreamz

For the last couple of nights, my husband and I seem to be butting heads. He is excited, and full of enthusiasm, to make things better for himself. I do encourage him and I try to make suggestions as well to help, but all we seem to do is bicker about whose idea is better. We do try REALLY hard to compromise, but the compromise always seems to change depending on the path he wants to take. This can be frustrating for me to plan things in my head of how our future is going to be lined out...   I am a planner.

Last night, was the worst dream I have had in a long time.

Ryan was continuing his interests in making life better for himself, and I just seemed to be in the background. Our relationship was in fast-forward, ripping apart, and I could see it happening. I remember trying so hard to bring back the flame we once had. It was heart breaking to see his complete and total disconnect from me looking deep into his eyes. It felt worse than a break-up... it felt like I was dying, being tortured, and in horrendous pain. I felt alone and I had no where to go. Our marriage was over... he chose to move on. 

Even now it hurts to remind myself of what had happened, but I am so glad that it was only a dream. It has made me realize though, that I should be more patient with him, and I should find something for myself to be passionate about just as he is doing. Could it be writing, perhaps my interest in caring for the dead? Whatever it is, I need to figure it out and stick to it, and pick up more hobbies along the way. This life is not about getting up at 7am every morning to work a 9-5 job and to accomplish the same tasks over, and over again... we need to find a passion in life and find a way to make a living doing that. It may not be perfectly planned, but that is another aspect I need to realize. Life Happens...

Let's fix those

Negative Thoughts

Dumpy

Can I go home now?

Gawd. I don't know what it is about today, but it has started off horrible it feels like.

Today started out bad mainly because I am lazy/tired. Instead of getting up on my first alarm ring, I waited about 10 snoozes later to get up.. which has put me behind on getting ready. As I am rushing to look good, dressed nice for work, I have all these thoughts in my mind of how easy it would be to just go back to bed and play hooky. Ughh... I place that thought behind me and decided that is crazy talk and just finished getting ready. I finished putting my 'Instant-Breakfast' together and made sure I had a nutritional bar to eat before I headed out for work. I stopped by our bedroom where my husband was sleeping and was trying to find out where his face was in the dark. I leaned over to give him a kiss and all I hear is 'SQUAWKKKK!!', and a, 'THAT'S MY HAND'.... I was instantly annoyed even more and responded to him that I can't see it in the dark. Then he decides to add on... 'Well be more careful next time.....' Ugh.... I was just trying to give you a hug and kiss goodbye, tell you I love you... but instead you tell me to be more careful next time. Sure. I will be careful and just flip on the light switch so I can be.

Now I'm at work, I had a phone message from a lady who sounded fucking annoying to talk to... and she insisted I call her back about this coming weekend's game schedule. To get this over with, I called her and she told me that her grandson plays baseball here, and he told her that they won't be playing on Sunday even though the schedule says they will be playing.. I told her that the schedule does say still that they are playing on Sunday, but she could talk to the Baseball Coach, who just so happened to be available in his office. She responds and says, 'no, I don't want to bother him'. My response is probably really annoyed back to her telling her that there isn't any way for me to confirm that they play on Sunday unless you talked to the Coach.. and then said that I guess she will just have to trust her grandson.
If you are going to fucking call me to get information, and I tell you what you need to know but refuse to listen... why waste my time? Trust your grandson... and learn how to use a phone.

Am I being super bitter today? YOU BET YOUR ASS! I just want to go home...
On a side note...

This is who I feel like today:

Better Werkkk

Excitement!

Another chance to play Volleyball again would be SO AWESOME! A friend from High School just messaged me on the ol' FB and asked if I would be interested to play this season! Woo Hoo! Working with student-athletes day after day and seeing them put their heart on the floor/field/court... man, I just always feel so much regret that I didn't push myself to be a part of that when it was my time. There were many times after a loss at the Volleyball games here that I would come home and be upset because the girls were letting the ball hit the floor... just watching it and not even moving. Ryan would get an earful from me of all the critiques I was giving them and a suggestion was made that maybe I should become a coach. I am not sure if I would be ready for that... but I would DEFINITELY LOVE to play again. I miss being a part of teams and making friends while doing so. I haven't quite heard back from my friend yet, but I hope to get more details soon about when the season starts. I will definitely need to train a little bit harder than I have been so I can look smokin' in those teeny-spandex shorts again.

Squats... I'm comin' for ya. 

For the Love of Butts

I feel that Tina and I have quite a few similarities.. a couple in particular is a deep love and appreciation for nice butts and sensual kisses. My husband Ryan gives me butterflies every single day, and 'Just when I think I'm out, his cheeks pull me right back in'. :D

I will always have a huge crush on him, I am so happy I get to have him all to myself for the rest of my life! He has so many great ideas and is so caring and loving that I couldn't ask for more. Every relationship has its differences, and ours does too, but we always make sure to talk things through and not stay upset with one-another. This ride has been great so far, and I can't wait for the rest of our journey together. I am overjoyed to squeeze his cheeks when I get home... (I'll let you decide which kind I'm talking about ;)

Sound Advice...

Sitting here in my small office, alone, for long periods of time, I can get a little snappy when someone decides that they need my help. I don't know what it is, I do enjoy being alone but I also enjoy being kind to others. I reflect back on those times where I tend to snap and have realized I need to be more kind. Tina has it down, who wouldn't want to be friends with this character in real life?! People don't want to be around a grouch, they want to be around someone sassy and fun... at least I would like to think that's their preference.

Good day so far though! Loving the sunshine I see from my office! <3

Coachella 2014 | Part 1

Is it time...

Is it time for me to mingle into the booming crowd, filled with free spirits and fashion faux pas? It was so interesting to me, being a part of this right along with them! Judging others seemed to be a thing of the past, I felt free.

We parked our Red Hatchback into the designated spot motioned to us... having one hell of a time backing up into the space. We got out of our vehicle, stretched our tired legs, and it just felt like we made it home. We unpacked our gear, set up camp in our designated square marked out for us, then got acquainted with our neighbors. The neighbors to our right were party-friendly... the neighbors to our left were more our age, laid back, and into the same genres of music as we were. AWESOME!

We decided that we needed to take a walk, explore the grounds, before our big weekend of music begins the next day. Our camp-spot was a good mile or so away from the actual gate, but they had some interesting things to look at or participate in along the way. A phoenix, about as tall as a 2-story building, had a bench swing attached to its beak to allow for passersby to enjoy an amazing sunset together. However, we kept walking onward to see more of the grounds. Little mini-houses were put together by artists of the festival and they were lined up on the path to the main gate. We explored each house, each with its own quirky touch to it... along with others whom were investigating - we also enjoyed photo-bombing all their photos. ;) We were then drawn to a huge geometric dome illuminated with pink and purple lights blasting some great dance tunes to bump and grind to!

We were beyond excited to see this awesome potential of what lies behind the main gate, as we were not able to get in until the following day. It was then time for rest and we headed back to camp to do so.

    

Dabble into Blogging!

Hello.

Have you dabbled into blogging before? Perhaps you have... and perhaps you have started a blog with full intentions to keep blogging for your HUGE fan-base following your every post. I just started laughing. I mean, let's get real, sometimes we lose motivation or drive to continue this online-diary of sorts. What kind of fan-base follows the 'every once in a blue moon' blogger? We want RESULTS.. we DEMAND entertainment... well you know what.. You gon' git summmmmm....

Stay tuned to the erotic fan-fiction you've been yearning for. It will BLOW your mind...