For the last couple of nights, my husband and I seem to be butting heads. He is excited, and full of enthusiasm, to make things better for himself. I do encourage him and I try to make suggestions as well to help, but all we seem to do is bicker about whose idea is better. We do try REALLY hard to compromise, but the compromise always seems to change depending on the path he wants to take. This can be frustrating for me to plan things in my head of how our future is going to be lined out... I am a planner.
Last night, was the worst dream I have had in a long time.
Ryan was continuing his interests in making life better for himself, and I just seemed to be in the background. Our relationship was in fast-forward, ripping apart, and I could see it happening. I remember trying so hard to bring back the flame we once had. It was heart breaking to see his complete and total disconnect from me looking deep into his eyes. It felt worse than a break-up... it felt like I was dying, being tortured, and in horrendous pain. I felt alone and I had no where to go. Our marriage was over... he chose to move on.
Even now it hurts to remind myself of what had happened, but I am so glad that it was only a dream. It has made me realize though, that I should be more patient with him, and I should find something for myself to be passionate about just as he is doing. Could it be writing, perhaps my interest in caring for the dead? Whatever it is, I need to figure it out and stick to it, and pick up more hobbies along the way. This life is not about getting up at 7am every morning to work a 9-5 job and to accomplish the same tasks over, and over again... we need to find a passion in life and find a way to make a living doing that. It may not be perfectly planned, but that is another aspect I need to realize. Life Happens...
No comments:
Post a Comment