It's Too Early To Adult.

Greetings. Once again.
It is I.

I have this fantastic idea of making some BOMB fish tacos tonight. Well. In my mind I am saying that they are bomb, because why not boost my confidence in cooking any better than talking myself up, right? I have had the great pleasure of traveling to Maui, HI, as you know... and we had the BEST fish tacos that I had ever tasted. They had a mango garnish, slaw, amongst other delicious goodies in one tiny tortilla. I am in high hopes of replicating something as close to it as possible... even though the only fish I have to work with today is Tilapia, and I am fairly certain the fish we had was Mahi-Mahi. Yes, I know I can go pick it up at my supermarket most likely, fresh to death (literally)... but I am trying to cut back on extra expenditures. This is what I have in my freezer, so thusly. There you have it.

This is definitely something I am looking forward to making, mainly due to the fact that, once again, I have some free time here at work and I am not sure what else to do with myself other than brag about my siq cooking skills. I wonder if I should validate my experience by sharing it on here with my viewer(s). I meannnnnn.... would you like it? Would you? Would you like that picture? You wanna have it?

I have been considering taking on virtual assistant positions, but I suppose I should start another blog to look a bit more professional or something, if I happen to venture into that business. I could be helping out businesses potentially in my free time here at work or at least at home in my free time. I don't know. It just feels like we need to do something more in life to be better recognized for our talents, you know? There are so many opportunities out there. My friend made a decent amount of pocket change writing some erotic stories she posted online that people would purchase to read. How awesome is this world? Actually, I guess, maybe the world isn't THAT awesome, because I have listened to a podcast of a woman who legitimately sold her dirty worn underwear on the internet and gets PAID BANK for it. Is that disturbing? Perhaps. But if you can make money from it, that is definitely on anyone's radar. LOL! It has totally been a struggle to know what to do, or how to do things, and by the time I get home, I have no motivation to start projects. I know though, that if it is important to me, then I will make time for it; I am my own worst enemy.

Happy Monday, may your day be filled with joy and excitement that mine is very much lacking.

Cheers

Purpose

Trying to figure out purpose. I can't even describe what it is like, because it is too frustratingly difficult to discover. What exactly is my purpose, besides being a beacon of light setting good examples... I want to be happy. I want to live a happy, purposeful life. I want to make a difference to someone and see light, almost, beam from people's faces. I want to make a difference to myself. Is there something that I can live off of, that enables me to be happy and make a difference in someone else's life, including my own? What is it exactly that I want to do, what do I want to achieve?

To be honest, I have no friggin' idea or direction. I almost feel as though I should wait for it to fall in my lap, but after many discussions with my husband, it could but shouldn't fall into laps that easily. Everything has a purpose, and is driven by someone. There is a reason that people are successful, and some are truly happy with what they are doing. I have been spending moments here and there to take a break from a monotonous task, to explore adventurous job options. I looked up the National Geographic website, and saw all the beautiful photos that photographers have taken in the wild. That seems like a dream to just enjoy the world and photograph it. It's in a way like clipping out a piece of history. I suppose that it would satisfy me to try that out, take some photos, and have direction by taking them. Suppose I will try that, I would be more interested in action shots of animals or humans, I suppose they are both the same. I want to be intriguing, I want someone to want more of what I can offer.

I've thought about the flight attendant jobs, a gal from High School is going all over the place and looks incredibly happy. I know I shouldn't judge a photo by its photo? But seriously, who could be unhappy stopping in Aruba? That is so cool, and I am SO happy for her! Considering if I could do it though, I think I would miss my husband too much. Sure there are perks on tickets, but there are rules and fine print to those and it wouldn't be entirely possible to have him join me every time I fly out, it's not realistic. But is this an excuse? I suppose it's the same excuse I would use if I decided to join the military. I've thought about that too and seriously considered it, but I would miss him too much. Am I making the right decisions here? Am I too worried about missing my husband's touch, that I don't go out and do things that I want to try?

I can keep coming up with excuses, I can keep giving myself tips and ideas to try something new, but when I can't go out and implement my ideas and inspirations, what kind of purposeful life is that? Being too scared of change. It cripples my being, my soul, yet I still let it rule my life.
 
I will go home and take a walk, while on my walk I will take 5 action photos, I will take my time, I will bring my journal and find a spot to reflect on my walk and any thoughts that came up.
Happiness = Adventure  

Shy Pooper

Ladies really have the biggest struggle when it comes to pooping in public. Well, not in front of strangers blatantly out in the open or anything, obviously... but using the facilities in a public restroom, no matter where it is at, if you have to poop as a woman, you are simply just fucked.

If this is a male reader, and this is news to you, you're welcome.

However I feel the need to stand up for the ladies, whom like myself, are shy poopers.

It is incredibly frustrating to have to poop while you are out and about, either at your job, shopping, traveling, etc. It's like this judgmental place and isn't "lady-like" to poop when other women are simply using the restroom to urinate, wash their hands, or just fix their overall appearance... It is a place to gather for women, not to necessarily use the restroom, but to just be there to look at themselves in the mirror it seems like. Of course I have done my fair share of all those things, but I also have been there occasionally when women just don't give no fucks, and are dropping the cosby's off at the pool freely. I think to myself in those instances, how freeing that must be to not care if others hear them pooping, or how stanky it is. I don't ENJOY them doing it, but in a sense, look up to that stall they are in and how they are liberating women everywhere!  

Men seem to have it so easy, they don't care if their fellow men are shitting, why can't women do the same?

Maybe I am the only one who has this problem, being a shy pooper.

Oh Hai

So I deactivated my Facebook earlier, I realized I have a huge problem by staying on there for long periods of time, all throughout the day. There was a point where I deleted the app from my phone to try and prevent myself from using it, but I don't know if that even lasted a full day. I have found that I am not creating any sort of value for myself. All it seems to be is a real-time version of a yearbook.  The drama, the sadness, the good times, and the bad. Facebook tracks all of these things for you, which is really kind of great. You have an online system saving all your precious memories without having to create old fogey scrap books. Although that is well and great, we have grown to succumb to the almighty red notifications number. We want a score of how good our post is from the opinion of those, who, we are mainly just acquainted with. Our entire lives has morphed even deeper into a judgemental system. Wasn't it kind of bizarre that at one point, there was no such thing as a mobile device? People generally stayed out of each other's business and had to know somebody to find out what is going on. Now, most times, people just have to look up your name in this gigantic phone book/year book to find out if Timmy fell in a well again, or if Bruno the dog passed away yet. 

People are snoopy as fuck. Including myself. I really need to spend this time to focus on me and my close friends and family. I need to try and put myself out there, and try to make new friends the old fashioned way. As I think of that last sentence though. We really aren't there anymore. Technology has made us it's bitch and we can't help but obey it. I choose to spend my time without it for now, at least technology which takes up my entire freakin' day. I kept my other social media apps that I hardly use to hopefully be more focused on my journey and spending it healthily with my husband. 

Rant 2.0

Okay. I have to write this out so I can make myself believe that I feel better about the situation.

At work.
I just completed this huge project and completed final invoicing from an annual golf tournament my department does for fundraising. 2 months later, the baseball team ALSO has a golf tournament for fundraising, and I somehow get trapped into doing everything... AGAIN.

Today, coach comes in and asks about the copy center and what services that they can help provide. I said that they can do everything that we do here... including mailing etc. He says cool, I will email them what I need to have done and have them mail it out when finished.

This was this morning... I just now got a phone call from the copy center by an incompetent person working there... that they are too short handed, and therefore can't put the packets together... BULL-SHIT. I was just in there getting supplies for our department and all I could hear back there was someone shootin' the shit, gabbing away about their home life, and nothing about work. Granted. I am guilty of not being busy... BUT ONLY WHEN I DON'T HAVE WORK TO DO BECAUSE I HAVE COMPLETED ALL MY WORK!!
Don't bull-shit me, and say you are short handed when you aren't doing jack-shit in there. Not only that, but the 2 that are in there supposedly can't figure out a mail merge to save their damn life. If you work in a copy center, that should be a piece of FUCKING CAKE! GOD! "...We just don't have time". I fixed their issue in less than 5 minutes.
Also, I just put together all 52... yeah... (52 is not a lot for college mailing) envelopes with labels in under 5 minutes.. OH... THE HORROR OF SO MUCH TO FUCKING DO! This is way too hard... SPARE ME. PLEASE. A grand total of 10 minutes - at the MOST.

So. Lucky me. I get to pretty much do all of the work... again. It's not fucking terrible, I would just appreciate someone from baseball taking control of this so I can continue with paperwork from incoming athletes and their upcoming orientations.

New Adventures

Well Friends.

This Wifey found out yesterday that her handsome hubby got the job! We will be moving into the big city and are planning on seeing apartments today! We couldn't be more excited and nervous all at once. This has been something that we have been talking about doing for a LONG time. I honestly can't wait to start a new adventure and be able to see my friends again within a reasonable distance!
Wish us luck in our apartment hunt adventures, I am sure it's going to take a bit of time to find one we really like. :)

Still keeping in mind though, we have a 1 year anniversary to plan and after both of us researching yesterday, we are either going to Brookings, or Springfield Oregon. Either one looks fantastic, and both have things to do there while not being too overly stimulated to focus on the purpose of our being there.

I adore my husband, and I am so proud of him in his accomplishments. This is another step closer to our travel days we hope. This extra income will help us save even more... Scary! But EXCITING!

When you would be here in my arms

Waiting for tonight.

Well, not really waiting, but I am ready to go home already from work. Even though when I do eventually go home, I don't do anything. I need to have a drive of some kind. I need to have some kind of purpose. I would like to have more self-confidence, and have thought that it would be so awesome to take dance classes with the hubby. The other day, he mentioned that he would like to do martial arts of some kind and get some confidence that way and suggested me trying it with him. My first instinct was "ew!", but he mentioned it could be good in case I am by myself in a bad situation. I guess that's a good idea. haha! I will try to research some classes around here, or ones in a bigger city, and just put ourselves out there and DO something for once! :)
I listened to a Zero to Travel podcast today about international house sitting. It sounds like it would be a ton of fun, plus you're guaranteed a place to stay, even if some places may not be very "nice", I think it would be worth it to have the experience of it all.
Ryan and I need to sit down and plan our 1st Year Anniversary trip. We were thinking of going to the coast, and were also thinking of taking a week off for it. We could go to Portland too, and other cities we have talked about visiting over there. Not only do we need to plan our coast trip, but we REALLY need to plan our BIG trip outta here. My good friend from high school recommended us to use the BootsnAll.com email reminders, as those emails give great instruction/step-by-step on how to achieve where you want to go with the budget that you have. I look forward to speaking with him more and getting more help on travel as we get closer... but we haven't even STARTED. It is quite frustrating. It just seems like the first thought of money being involved, I get in the fetal position and forget the thought of ever traveling. It's a terrible habit, and damn it. I am determined to live outside this damn box!
Another thing I would like to REALLY try doing on my own is my own meditation practice. I would like to get into something to help me clear my mind, my thoughts, my feelings, etc. I feel that it could really help with this inner-turmoil that I have been experiencing in my journal entries at home.
I almost want to invest into a new, or new-ish laptop, to use for our travel and hopefully use it as a tool to bring us income. My laptop at the moment has died completely and of course anyone in this situation would love to get rid of the darn thing instead of try and fix it. Especially since technology is ever-growing, and this one is approximately 10 years old or so. Are you loving my logic talking myself into buying a new computer? LOL, yeah... I should just fix my old one for now. :)

Gaht-Dang...

Okay. Today has already started out shitty.

My fault for not getting up on the first alarm ring to have enough time to finish my hair for work. On my way to work, I find a gigantic crack in my windshield from a rock that apparently did A LOT of damage that hit me on the freeway while I was on my way home from my therapy appointment. Once I walk into work, my boss comes in and tells me of a bunch of corrections I have to make on a shit-ton of letters I completed yesterday. It's driving me insane because the date of the letter is now 3 days old, and I still haven't sent them out because he wants to leave at noon everyday now, instead of coming back to work. After giving me those corrections, he keeps drilling me with other questions that he would know the answers to, had he been here for the whole day. I know I have it pretty damn good here, but being drilled with questions before I can even get my computer on irritates the shit out of me. Give me some time to organize my thoughts and details for the day. Then, my fucking phone is alerting me that someone has texted me in the midst of all his damn questions. I get irritated, pick up the phone to turn off the notifications, and it's my husband responding to my text about the crack in the windshield with 'What the Fuck'. That's fucking pleasant. Then my boss asks me if I am okay, and I told him that I am stressed out. He asks me why. I tell him that I am dealing with my husband being upset and myself being upset with the windshield being cracked. (never ending problems with that fucking car.) [Even though I really wanted to say, yeah! I'm stressed out from all this fucking work your handing off to me to deal with while you go out and play.. and when I have questions to ask you through the day, you respond to me as though I am bothering you and inconveniencing you when it's your paperwork and letters that I'm doing.] He responds to me that there are worse things to be stressed about. THAT fucking irritated me. He doesn't know what I am going through... and I know he really has no desire to find out. It can get really lonely and sad with co-workers that treat you like that.
New text! Husband now says that he is 'really fucking irritated with me' that I leave all the dishes in the sink, now he can't use the sink. I wanted to say, well if you would do the damn dishes as I have done now for the past 3-4 times... you could USE the damn sink. Instead I told him that I can't use the counters on account of all the fucking dishes all over the place. Our kitchen is TINY. you can't do jack shit in there hardly unless it's clean every single day. I really don't want to deal with this shit. Right now especially.

I just want to go home and cry it out.

Therapy Sesh

Howdy, Ya'll!

I went to my very first therapy/counseling appointment yesterday. I was nervous, but also excited, to finally be in the doc's office. It was incredibly emotional but it was empowering to realize that I can be fixed! Not that I am COMPLETELY messed up, but there have been issues growing up that has made me the way I am today with my insecurities. I look forward to more meetings with him, my next one is on July 1st. He has asked for me to write down my dreams (since I am excellent about remembering what they were), as well as starting a journal. I need to be specific as to what I feel about myself, and things that trigger me to have different moods - giving explanation and description about what is happening in my day to create the mood I am in. I have tried keeping a journal in the past, but I always tend to write in it when something bad is happening to me. I could try making a habit at a certain time of day to write SOMETHING... I know it doesn't have to be a novel or anything. 
Today has been driving me a little more crazy... the Fall Sports are starting to create schedules and it's my job to stay on top of it and make reservations. It's so crazy right now actually. I needed to take a break though since I haven't gone to lunch, to try and open my mind a little and stop focusing quite so harshly on dates, conflicts, emails, and phone calls.
I am off, time to go retrieve the mail from the opposite side of campus.. might just walk to get some exercise in. :)

I hope you have some sparkle brought to your day!

Drag

Today is really dragging by. I have had ZERO work to do today, and am trying to figure out a way to make better use of my time. On Facebook, there is a contest going around for writing a story based just on the words 'Rising-Up'. I have written down some ideas on what story-line I could go with and have found one that I will start working on eventually. I have until July 10th to submit it. I also brought a book with me to work called 'Attached', which is describing the scientific explanation as to why some people navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle. Three distinct ways each of us behaves in relationships are whether we are Anxious, Avoid-ant, and/or Secure or not. I think I will take a break from brainstorming from the writing contest and start reading this for a little while. I've been wanting to read this, so I am glad that I can when I have this free-time.
Also headed to Subway to meet up with an old co-worker and catch up around 1 today, that will be nice because it's been quite a long time since our last get-together.
My parents got new furniture, which they needed BAD, so my hubby and I might go check it out after work today if we don't have anything else going on.

Other than that, pretty lax day (as seems to be the norm now).
Happy Wednesday, Ya'll!

Summer Lovin'

I've been working hard on myself this past week or two as far as discipline, figuring out my niches, and losing weight. I've lost 6 pounds since last week. I've been very strict with my diet and the amount of food I eat in comparison to the amount of activity I have done during the day. So because I work in an office 9-5, I am usually sedentary. Instead of eating large meals and telling myself that I HAVE to eat, I have cut back. I cut my portions probably by 75% or more. There are some days where I have a little bit more, but I make an agreement with myself as I eat that I HAVE to do exercise to burn those extra calories. Most days now, I don't tell myself I am hungry unless I am ACTUALLY hungry. It's all about discipline. I've been making smarter choices when eating also. Most days during the week I will make chicken or prepare some tuna and incorporate veggies like cucumbers, squash, things that are tasty AND healthy. But even if you are eating healthier, doesn't mean it gives you an excuse to give yourself LARGE portions. It's all about portion control and some activity during the day to burn more than what is consumed. That's how you lose the weight. By training my body this way, I really hope that I can FINALLY reach my goal and be even thinner than I was in high school. I know in high school, that in my house, we didn't exactly make healthy dinners or leave many healthy snacks around. We had a lot of mac&cheese, hostess cakes, pastas, filler foods. Thank God I was doing sports 24/7 then, because I would have been Miss Pudge Plus due to my diet and the amount of food I had.

I am realizing now that we don't have to live by the example we were brought up with, we can live healthy AND happy. Food DOES NOT CONTROL me now. I control the food. Because of this discipline, I can live a long healthier life until it's my turn to leave it.  

Fantabulous

Well good morning, good-lookin'!

I rode my bike to work this morning! It is such a great feeling to be able to do that and not have to freeze my buns off on the way here anymore. With summer arriving, showing it's happy-hot-face on all of us, makes it nice to be able to ride bikes or walk to our local destinations comfortably-ish. :)

This weekend seemed to be packed with activities, especially on Saturday! I had to be at a Golf Course for my job at 7 in the morning and stayed there to take money and register golfers until 10 a.m. I then went back to my office to count the money, to ensure that another incident like last year happens again (Money stolen from my desk). I spent about 5 hours working that day, then turned around and helped tear down the Kettle Korn tent that I help my in-laws with occasionally which took another couple of hours... So almost a full days work on Saturday.

This upcoming weekend, I am SO excited for! It's my love's Birthday on Sunday! We went and purchased Tattoo Festival Passes and will be seeing one of his good friends that will be tattooing there at the expo! Hoping we could go see Jurassic World at the IMAX or even some D-Box seats too. Possibly some sushi devouring... who knows! Should be a TON o' fun!

The Power of Family

My goodness. I have gone through such a roller-coaster ride of emotions these past couple of days. I have to tell you, if you haven't already known, that the power of family is incredible when you need a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. They will be there for you no matter what, they will drop everything practically to help you cope with things going wrong in life and they give EXCELLENT advice!

I have realized CLEARLY that I need help in boosting my self-confidence and self-esteem. It is okay to ask for help, and it is okay to see a therapist to have them help guide yourself to a better you! Not everyone lives a perfect life, not everyone has lived a perfect life with the perfect parents, and the perfect role-models. I have shut out those kind of thoughts and feelings for the most part, and have repressed a lot of my childhood memories because of the hurt it caused. I remember thinking as a kid that I wished my family was like so-and-so's family... thinking that their family never fought, they stuck together through thick-and-thin, and were very involved with each other. Mine was very secluded and non-social until I was introduced to playing sports. To be honest, playing sports are what my best memories are growing up. I don't really remember spending quality 'Family-Time' with my Mom and Dad unless it was at a theme park... which would explain my obsession with those. If we attempted 'Family-Time', camping for example, there would ALWAYS be fighting with my parents on those kinds of trips, there ALWAYS had to be an agenda to stick to, which caused a lot of hate and discontent.
To wrap this up though... I may not have had the greatest childhood, but it's okay to talk about it and to try to self reflect on how that childhood as morphed you into the person you are today. Today. I feel that I have little self-confidence and self-esteem in myself as a woman. I've listened to a suggestion that I need to hold my head up everywhere I go, DO NOT LOOK DOWN as you pass someone on the street etc. By holding your head up, you exude confidence and will be seen as someone who possesses it. I tried that out yesterday, I couldn't believe how many times, every time, that I passed someone I would put my head down and avoid eye contact. By shutting myself out from others, it only shows that I am a shut-in.

It's time for change. With my family's help, which includes my best of friends, I will get through this transition in life to become a better version of myself!

Annoying Rant

Yes. Another cord has been struck. I am being annoyed by the same co-worker and I just don't have the balls to stand up and say something to this person. I really don't...

I want the courage to stand up and say something, or at least kindly tell this person to get the hell out of my office. Sigh... I tried searching on the inter-webs, including YouTube, of ways to deal with annoying people. The most common thing was, that if I am getting annoyed by this person, then it means there is something they are projecting which is actually making me annoyed with myself. I want to call BS on this though... This person is 46 years old, male, and all he does is come in my office to gossip... or tell me how horrible of a life he has, or asks me really stupid questions. When he gossips, it's about other co-workers... I happen to enjoy these co-workers. I suppose the next time he gossips, I am definitely going to tell him that I don't feel comfortable talking about it, and if he has issues then he needs to talk to the boss. (which he never seems to fucking do). I am just going to do something like this each time he complains... I wish I could just stop him before he comes in and ask him that if he doesn't have anything related to work that he needs from me, to not come in my office. But that's fucking rude, right? Just this morning, he walks by my fucking office, and as he is walking... 'Hi Becky'... I didn't look up or acknowledge him, 1. because I fucking hate him. 2. I was busy and needed total focus on what I was doing at the exact time he said hello. He then stops as I didn't respond to him, turns around, and walks into my doorway.. waits for me to look up. "Hi Becky". WELL, HELLO YOU FUCKING CREEP! I'M FUCKING BUSY. He then asked if the boss was gone today... (you can obviously see from my doorway that his office is pitch black, meaning that he is not here.) Yes...... I responded. I then went back to my work, and he continued to stand in the fucking doorway like his feelings were hurt that I didn't respond to him 'nicely'. I looked up with my eyebrows raised... hoping my point came across that he needs to fucking 'carry on'. Then as a hip-old teenage adolescent boy, 'Alright, COOL!'.
FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

LOL!
I don't know... maybe I am just a complete bitch or something. But he creeps me out, he is fucking annoying, and he doesn't take hints.

Lord Help Me.

Saving

My husband and I had a little bit of a fit last night about finances... okay. It was mainly just me throwing a fit now that I realize what happened. My husband and I have been married since September 2014, and have yet to experience a 'Honeymoon'. I am not super upset that we haven't had the 'Honeymoon', mainly because we just went to Maui, which is where we got engaged. What I would REALLY like to experience, is a destination for our 1 year anniversary. I have brought up Disneyland more times than I can count... my husband would prefer not going, and is trying his very hardest to say it in different ways and phrases. I don't know. I suppose it's stupid for wanting to go there, especially since I have been there so many times in my life. I just remember growing up, and while being there, seeing these young ladies with their boyfriend/fiance/husbands and how great it would be to be able to have my, now husband, there with me. I absolutely love theme parks, and I love the smell of Disneyland. Weird. I know. I just can't get enough of it though it seems like. I love going.... Bah. But I should probably stop thinking we might go, because I know that we probably won't. I don't want to have to drag my husband there if he doesn't want to go, and I am tired of fighting him about it. I did mention that maybe we could go to Colorado for our 1 year, and he seemed to be interested in doing that. My good friend lives their with her new family, and there are LOTS of things to do there that we both enjoy. Finances however come into play because we really don't have the money to go, or are afraid of spending what we have worked hard to save, and don't want to use it for going on a small trip. We currently have 2 credit cards with a decently high interest rate, and our thoughts were to consolidate the 2 and get a personal loan for a really low interest rate at a local credit union. We were thinking that if we paid off our credit cards, and took out a little bit more out of the loan, that we could use that as our 1 year anniversary trip money... but thinking about it... it's silly. If we don't have the money to pay it back right away, then it would be stupid to rack up more debt. The point of consolidating credit cards was to lower our payment each month as well as only having 1 payment. However, we only have one life... and I hate being restricted in my life because of the demands money has on us. I don't know what we will end up deciding on... but I hope we can benefit from it in some way.

It's the Freakin'-Weekin' : Part II

Part II - Erotic Fan Fiction

''When she finishes the last bit of clothes, and closes the door of the washer to start it, she stands up straight and turns toward him...''

A sudden jolt of energy which feels both like panic and excitement fills her heart. It's Jack White, originally from the band 'The White Stripes'. I suppose being in a laundromat in downtown L.A. comes with some BIG perks. He starts opening his lips to greet her, and all she thinks is how slowly time is moving and how perfectly moisturized his lips seem to be. She looks up into his eyes as he speaks, and sees the mesmerizing twinkle shining back at her. A secretive and soft voice comes out, asking her... "What's your name?" She responds coyly, and smiles back at him as she says, "Jill". Jack is instantly amused she noticed, I am sure he was considering the possibility of one day courting her and being introduced as, Jack and Jill. She saw his amusement and she too snickered a bit. He replies back to her, "I wanted to see if you would be interested in joining me for lunch this afternoon, there is this great place that serves the greatest tasting burgers and steak fries in the whole entire universe of universes... you want to come with me?" She hesitates a moment, wondering if he is someone she can truly trust after just barely meeting... "Of course! Wouldn't miss it for the entire galaxy of universes of the universe! When is a good time for you?" "Well I popped in here today, thinking I left something on the counter, and when I got here, of course it was gone... so I sat down on that bench over there (pointing) and started texting my good friend letting him know that I couldn't find what I came in for, until I noticed you walking in. You took my complete breath away. However... you need time to do those clothes, girl! When are you going to be finished up here?" She completely forgot that she was even doing laundry, and she would readily let it go to go on a lunch date with Jack White. "Hmm. let's just go now? I like to be spontaneous, these clothes can wait." He offers out his arm for her to hold, and they walked out the heavy front glass door of the laundromat and headed off to lunch.

To Be Continued...   

Dreamsicles

Am I embarrassed for having a wet dream last night over this guy... NO. Purrrrrrrrrrr Purrrrr Purrrrrrrrr.... It all started at Coachella. Star Struck. This 39 year old dreamy genious is captivating and sexual. Can't you tell? A Blues-Rock connoisseur who gives great face IS THE JACK WHITE. Intrigued, I have been looking up some interviews that he does.. one with Conan O'Brian was great, but I need to finish it. Our next victim, whom I desire in my dreams, is a 40 year old who deserves his damn OscarS... See that plural emphasis? Yes. This man has had my heart since 'Tiger Beat'... All those 'lipsmackers' kisses were so worth it, and still are. HALLELU-YUH! Thank the LORD for Leo. Even though this man can make my heart sing, nothing beats this next one. This next one is not only DREAMY.. but hilarious. He's my dream boat, and I LOVE him sooooo much! I am glad he puts up with my fantasies, but I hope he knows that he is my true fantasy. <3 You even look a little like LEO. Heart-be-freaking-still!!! xoxoxo

Death Cafe

A good friend of ours messaged me today a picture of a flyer, entitled 'Death Cafe'. Upon reading the description, I was instantly intrigued. "Death Cafes provide an opportunity for community members to gather together and have a casual conversation about death. The conversation is led by attendees..." At the end of the description, there was a website www.deathcafe.com. I checked it out and there are a BUNCH of these 'get-togethers' all over, but mainly on the west coast. I checked our area for another meeting, but the last one was April 25. Browsing around their website I learned about what it takes to start up a non-profit Death Cafe, and it's simple. You aren't paid for being affiliated with Death Cafe, and it is an event that should be free to those attending. (There was an option to ask for a donations, but you have to list what the donation is going towards i.e. food, refreshments, etc.) Anywho. This would be an AWESOME opportunity for me to get to talk to others who, like me, love to talk about the experience and mystery of death and dying. I wouldn't mind breaking out of my insecure shell and actually hold one of these events! I am currently listening to a playlist of Ted-talks that was provided by the Death Cafe website, and some are intriguing, some not so much... but once I find a great one I will post it here. :-)

Today has been good! Overcast, but 80 degrees. Got all my work done for the day here at my job, so I think I will write another post about gorgeous men... MmmmMMMMmmm.... Stay tuned.

Serious.

It's almost memorial day weekend, and I was looking through some powerful pictures of veterans who have died, and loved ones yearning for them. Death is powerful, it can consume your whole soul in grief alone. It is becoming more apparent, that maybe I am not as strong as I think I am when it comes to dealing with death.
My mother has Poly-cystic Kidney Disease (PKD) and has 14% use of her kidneys left as of recently. My grandma (mom's mom) is in her 70's and she also has this disease... also not doing so well. As I looked at these pictures of families grieving over their loved ones I could feel their emotion, and imagined myself in their position. It is painful. It really makes you wonder though, when is our time going to be? What is our purpose here... is there really a purpose, and who determines our lifeline.
Death can happen at any moment and to be honest, I am scared shitless of it happening... whether it is my family and loved ones, or myself. Where do we go? Is it really 'Heaven', or does your light get switched off and you stay in an endless sleep. I strongly believe in spirits and ghosts, it's just one of those things though, that no-one can REALLY explain. Maybe Theresa Caputo can LOL! Sometimes I wish I could connect with the 'other side' so I can be an advocate in helping those that are grieving that their loved ones are still with us in spirit. Where do these spirits go though. To me it seems that the spirit lingers for a certain amount of time, and they move on somewhere... perhaps reborn? It is such a crazy thing to fathom, it's the thing that everyone is scared of. It's scary not knowing what's to come really.
I purchased some death and dying books, but those help in grieving mostly.. I want to learn more about the actual experience of death. I will gladly take any sort of suggestions as I go through this life learning more about it.

Good Morning, Starshine!

The Earth Says Hello!

Well, this weekend was fun! We had beautiful weather here and my husband and I enjoyed being with our families for Mother's Day. This weekend my husband's parents had come back from Lake Havasu where they own an RV Pad.. not sure how long they will be back for, but I assume for 2 months or so. While over at their house, we had discussed with them how we are trying to pay off debt. My husband sort of suggested at one point before they had come home, that we could move out of our apartment and move into their house since they are not using it. It would help us save money if they would allow us to pay $200 for staying there each month, so that we can pay off our other debts. In theory, this is actually a really good idea... but for some reason I still get anxiety over it. I REALLY treasure our privacy... and if they are wanting us to move out sometime soon, that means we would be sharing living spaces... again... and I remember vividly how well that worked out the first time (*Cue Eyes Rolling*).
I think if we can respect each other as adults, then it could work out. I was telling my husband that we should try to have it worked out as they get the top half of the house and we get the bottom, or vice versa, I don't care as long as we have our privacy. My husband reminded me that they have their RV now, and they even suggested that they could live in the RV. I think it should be totally different now that we are married, but I know his parents well.... this could be a train wreck. I also feel that they will make us feel like we OWE them something if we did move in. Their payment is like $800 / month, and if we are only paying $200, I feel like they will bring that up. I enjoy having my weekends off, even though working during the week isn't THAT strenuous. I like not having someone telling me what I should be doing... that can get really irritating. I'm a grown woman, I am capable of making decisions and I also know what I need to be doing. I really don't need that reminder constantly. BUT, if I listen to my husband, and TRUST that we only have to have them around for a couple of months, I MIGHT be okay with that.. but I did let him know that even if they are gone, I want out of there ASAP. It just reminds me so much of all the negativity throughout my husband's life, and it absorbs right into my life as well.
My husband and I will be discussing those plans further and hopefully everything works out. We are also discussing merging our checking accounts and consolidating debt onto 1 credit card. Another thing that we need to get done ASAP in my opinion. I should be able to handle that on my own, but I would like my husband's opinion as well by being there with me when we do this. I suppose we could do it together in the morning sometime before this Wednesday, since my boss is gone until then. Need to.
I have been reading NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children by Ashley Merryman. So far, this has been very insightful. I do think to myself as I am reading that well, of course that makes sense.. why do I do that? I have always struggled with connecting to children it seems like... like I am exerting way too much effort to be the best sort of role model, but it shouldn't be hard. I am realizing that now as I am going through the book. Just need to keep it simple... stupid. hah.

Hoping this day doesn't drag ass today...

Counting the Hours

Well hello.

I am currently counting down the hours to the end of this work day. It is absolutely gorgeous outside and being in a building for 8 hours is no way to treat a work day. :) Lucky for me, I can go out and watch a Softball game and still get paid for it. I really REALLY am lucky and so thankful for this awesome job!

I keep bringing in a book to read, but I still have yet to open it. I always feel like I am going to 'get caught' and be reported or something. Must be all those years working in the concentration camp called the City Government. Gosh, you always, always, had to watch your back and make sure to say the right thing or else your job could be on the line. It's so crazy to think that I did that for 3 years. Not saying that amount of time is a long time, but if you really aren't enjoying what you are doing then it can be torture.

With it being Friday, I think I might go treat myself to a soda and head down to the softball fields in a while to watch the game. I am excited for it being Friday and a whole weekend to do absolutely NOTHING! haha!

The Ball is Rolling.

I applied to a job in Salem, OR yesterday afternoon! I am excited in a way, but also a little bit pained. I love the job I have here, it's been the most fun and it does have its challenges. No one picks on me for the most part, which is really great. Getting the respect that I received here has turned my whole attitude around. I live ridiculously close to work so I am able to ride my bike or walk if I wanted. My boss is laid back... what more could I ask for?

Change needs to happen in life though, even if it is only temporary. Whether or not I get a call back about an interview, I am glad I took the first step to completely alter the comfort of my life. All of my family live here, and I have thought about how sad it would be not being able to celebrate birthdays together, the holidays, and playing games. It's not like I will never see them again, it will just be hard for a little while... uncomfortable. BUT, life does go on and we will see where life takes us, comfortable or not. We can't go anywhere without taking the first step.

Boss is gone today, so I suppose I will browse more jobs. Feeling pretty tired today.

Mornin' Ya'll

Good Morning!

I am here at work, not working as usual. I have everything all caught up, and no events coming up really that I need to prepare for. So far, I have caught up on my Season 7 of RuPaul's Drag Race... LOVE that show!

Other than that, I haven't done Jack. I am thinking of browsing jobs though, my husband and I are constantly talking about change so even though I love this job... I can't stay here forever. I've been here a year back in March, but it feels like I have been here longer. They decided to give Classified employees such as myself a raise (COLA). I guess that's nice. :)

Hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day! I am going to continue to browse the interwebs to devour the rest of my time here.

Are you Alive?

Why yes.

Yes, I am quite alive. Unfortunately I have been completely neglecting my blog. A bunch of events had happened whilst I was away.

We finished Weekend 2 of Coachella just recently, it was fun but I don't think it was worth the small fortune we paid to attend. We very much enjoyed Jack White (from the White Stripes), AWESOME performance. Of course while my husband and I were down there, I caught the common cold on the 2nd day of festivities. Big Ol' Bummer for sure. I am pretty certain I got the cold from one of our passengers riding over with us, but who knows. I've been catching up on stuff here at work while feeling under-the-weather, tending to the wants and needs of fellow employees.. and NOW I can finally take a moment to update you all on life! Isn't that just so exciting?!

Yesterday was a nice day! My husband has been researching bicycles for purchase. Since he hasn't found his yet, and I just got a new bike, it seems only fair that he could purchase a bike for himself too. It's a little bit frustrating I guess though, because we are trying to pay off debt, not rack up more debt. Although, it is worth it to see him be happy. He's been down in the dumps about it for a VERY long time, I am excited for him to decide on one. While he was researching bikes for purchase (as he is sick as well), I decided to take that opportunity to play a little bit of my Zelda: Ocarina of Time game on the Nintendo 64. It was SO much fun! I miss playing games every once in a while and I have gotten pretty far on it compared to any other game I have started. If that wasn't enough, we also got to step foot outside for once! It was glorious!

We went to get some groceries for dinner, then ended up going to Costco for some essentials we would need for the month. After Costco, we decided to go to Victoria Secret so that Ryan can buy me a new bra as part of my Birthday present. Not only did he do that, he also ordered the 'Cards Against Humanity' game that I have been dying to get! Although that was supposed to be a surprise, I always somehow manage to ruin all surprises. (Sorry boo-boo) After VS, we drove back, and I wanted to stop at Target to look at some shirts (LOVE their clothes!). We picked up a couple shirts, a new pair of wedges and he got a couple pairs of pants!

We had a great day, and I am so happy! Love that man to death!

Let the Crazy Party Begin!

Coachella 2015!

These past couple of days have been a whirlwind of events, trying to pack everything up and making sure we didn't forget anything. To add to the mix, is cleaning up the house before we leave and to do some deep cleaning in the kitchen. However.. I have a meeting after work today, and I am not sure how long this meeting is going to last... I really hope that everyone just keeps it short and sweet... not so I can go home as quickly as possible to do my 'womanly-duties', but so I can try to take a nap! It has been quite busy, and with us leaving for about a week to do this Coachella experience again, there is a lot here at work that I need to make sure is complete before I can leave anywhere. Blah.
I am hoping cleaning the kitchen will be a breeze, I should think how lucky I am that I don't have children to tend to as well... I should be fine! haha!

Hoping everyone is having a fabulous Monday, I need to get back on track with my blogs.

It's a Wonderful Life

My.

This weekend was wonderful! Yesterday morning, the hubby and I, we went to breakfast at our favorite breakfast joint... Hog Rock Cafe. Although there was only one waitress (owner) waiting on tables/taking payments/taking orders... the food was worth the 45 minute wait. Unfortunately for her, she had the cook pump out at least 20 full breakfast orders to go. Those of us waiting at our booths patiently to be waited on were glaring at the 2 men who ordered all of that food to go. I mean.. it's good business for her to have them order all that food, but this is a cafe... not a big fancy restaurant. Plus, if those guys ordered that much food, that means that they know it's good and they have been there before... so they should KNOW that it was rude to all of us there waiting to eat at her cafe, to order all that food and make her patrons wait.

There are other places like this in town that we know it's a no-no to order to go from because we know that they don't have the staff to go out of their way to make food for those who aren't in line. But oh well... I guess if it came down to it, we could just eat at home and save the money.

Later yesterday evening, we went to my family's home to partake in Easter dinner. The hubby and I found a really good recipe online for baked green beans with bacon and OOoooOO GIRL! It was so good. The family loved it too! It was nice to be with Family on Easter. It made me think though that I shouldn't take these moments for granted one bit. To soak up all of this experience with my loved ones means the world to me.

Saturday, I spent the day really lazily kicked back watching episodes of 'That 70's Show', and 'Bob's Burgers'. That evening my friend Jenni invited me to go to the Hockey Game, she had 2 free tickets! Of course I couldn't say no, so I traveled up there an hour before the game started so I could spend more time with her. She took me to this auction place which was cool, I've never been to one before. We didn't bid on anything, but it was cool to experience. When we got to the Hockey game we had the greatest seats! We were three rows up from the glass! Jenni treated me to a margarita mixed type drink (AMAZING) and later on she got a corn dog and pop corn that we shared. After the 2nd quarter, we noticed 2 seats below us which were right up to the glass so we took that opportunity and moved down. It was so much fun having the puck hit the glass right in front of us, and feeling the wind of the hockey players whooshing by after the puck. There were fights, and a shoot out at the very end, and our team WON! Woo!!!

Overall! It was a very nice weekend!

FRIDAY!

I am so glad that it's Friday!

I have been dang tired since Wednesday. I can't wait to take a nap. haha!

Today will be nice in the office though. There is a softball game going on here so my boss will be out of the office from 1:00 pm onward. I can pretty much come and go as I please at that point. Thinking I could go visit some old coworkers or something. We'll see! 

Coachella is coming up SO quickly! Although my husband and I aren't as excited as we were last year, I still think we will have a good time with great friends. I am excited to make new friends too and to mingle with the party-goers! The installations will be awesome again this year I am sure, so that will be another thing to look forward to. Love all the ART! We are going to Weekend 2, so we plan on leaving either the eve of my birthday on April 14th, or the morning of the 15th. We are all going to be headed to Las Vegas first to spend the night, maybe go to a 'Club'? Idk, my husband is more excited to get a really good parking spot at Coachella to really care too much about Las Vegas, but I am excited to finally be in Vegas. I've never been! 

Ta-ta for now my friends!

Success!

I am happy to report that I have gone to see my eye doctor, and turns out, they had given me the wrong prescription (again) so I was wearing contacts that weren't the right prescription. Of course. I am glad that I can see a little bit better! That's always awesome!

I also had received a phone call from my Doctor finally regarding my blood pressure and the test results of my kidneys. They let me know that when viewing my ultra-sound of my kidneys that I do have some small cysts that have formed, but it's not enough to diagnose me with Poly-cystic Kidney Disease. He gave me a different blood pressure medication to protect my kidneys better as well! I do still need to take an updated record of blood pressure readings though, my bottom number has been above 90 consistently, and it's supposed to be below 90.

I finished my book (recommended in a previous blog post) 'Smoke Gets in Your Eyes' by Caitlyn Doughty. It was AWESOME! Loved every bit of it, and I am very proud to say that I finished it. I have read and finished Harry Potter books fairly recently, but I don't consider those as beneficial to my life and interests as much as this book was.

My volleyball match with our team last night was a SUCCESS! Still trying to mesh with the chemistry of the team, but overall, I had the MOST AMAZING TIME! Had my serves like they were in high school, but my passes and sets could use some work. I didn't realize the Men's net was so freaking tall though! How the hell am I supposed to spike it?! haha! I did tweak my knee a little, a bit of hyper extension.. I hope to have it feeling better in about a week. :)

Today so far has been great, been babying my knee and trying to delicately stretch it and getting up more frequently to walk on it.

Yesterday was a bit unfortunate though in one way... my husband unfortunately lost his wedding ring. At first I was thinking he text me that as an April Fools joke, but no, he was dead serious. He was very upset, as was I. I tried to think though that 'Life' happens, things like this are going to happen... is it the end of the world? No.... is it annoying, of course it is! It was a lot of money, for me anyways, to get it. But what are we going to do now? All that the both of us can do is just try to move forward, and have high hopes that someone will find it and turn it in. Things will work out in the end. :) We will figure it out.  

What Do You Get, When You Guzzle Down Sweets?

Eating as much as an Elephant Eats.

I have been trying so hard to lose weight for Coachella coming up. Exercising, getting hives, eating healthy... the norm. The hardest thing is how to eat though. Sometimes I will skip meals, sometimes I will eat a muffin, and MOST times I eat lean meats and try to throw in some vegetables. (My god, I make it difficult throwing in the vegetables.) My weight is 180 approximately, it fluctuates up and down, but I haven't hit under that yet. My GOAL was to get to 165, that is a healthier weight being 5'7 with an athletic body type.

Sigh... I have to realize though, that going 7-8 years of not doing anything close to what I used to do... it catches up with you and in return, will take me longer to lose it. I just need to keep positive, and even if I don't make my goal by Coachella on the week of April 14th... I am going to be okay! I will keep making healthier choices and watching my portion sizes. Time will pass, and so will the fat. Hooray!

I am currently wanting to eat as much as an elephant eats right at this moment... but I will not cave! I have a banana near me and will chomp on'it to make the hunger pains go away. I REALLY need to drink more water... like seriously. It has been the last thing that I have been wanting to drink lately, I need to force myself to drink a certain amount per day I think to get myself to drink it consistently.

On a side note! My first Co-Ed Volleyball game is TODAY! I am super excited for it, just wish it wasn't at 9pm, and an hour away from where I live... Hoping it will all be worth it. :)

Oh Happy Day!

Doctor Who?

What Doctor?

I have been struggling with some health issues that have come up recently... 1. High Blood Pressure 2. Hives - Consistent (Skin Sensitivity) 3. Chest Pains.

The Doctor that I am seeing currently has given me a low dose of blood pressure medication, but after having another episode of hives last night while working out, I started experiencing chest pains. It felt like heart-burn, but in the center of my chest between the breasts and upper abdomen. That is the best way that I can describe it. My husband took my blood pressure after sitting on the couch, not moving, for 30 minutes and it read on the left arm 134/104, the right arm read 141/102... I haven't missed a day in taking my blood pressure medication... and after resting for 30 minutes having it be that high still is not good.

So today, I attempt to call my Doctor and talk to his nurse so I can find out what my ultra-sound was for my renal arteries that provide blood-flow to my kidneys as well as inform her of what had happened last night and the blood pressure readings. The operator transferred me to the nurse's phone, but no one had picked up after 5 minutes of ringing.

It is super frustrating not being able to get through... I guess I will just have to be an asshole and keep contacting them until they tell me what the hell is going on with me.

I was super healthy in high school, I was in sports all 4 years and all seasons of high school... it's been 7-8 years though now, so I suppose I should stop using that as my basis of how healthy I SHOULD be... My dad had, and still has, high blood pressure. When he was my age, he struggled to get into the Coast Guard because of it; he was healthy and fit at that point too. My mom, her mom, and my older brother all have bad kidneys.

I'm going to keep calling them until I get some answers... Gaht Dangit.

1.21 Gigawatts!!

GREAT SCOTT!


I am thinking about the future today. I am not sure if I had a dream about it or not, but I all of a sudden just really want to save money and travel/road-trip to a bunch of different places. We only have this one lifetime to do ANYTHING that we want to. Being able to travel around the United States / Globe, would be quite a life to experience. If I/we don't spend my/our money, and save it, this is VERY possible to do.

With the right mind-set, the right goals, and achieving those goals, we could be hopping from place-to-place in no time. And just because we might be traveling doesn't mean we can't save money for a house for when we get back at the same time. I feel if we set aside two accounts, one for travel and one for a home, we could do our very best to make this happen for us. We would definitely need to find side jobs to help support ourselves while traveling and saving for home. Anything is possible!

I love my husband so very much, and I want to make the best of this life as I can spending it with him.

Manners.

Excuse me...
Because this is going to be a pessimistic post regarding someone who irritates the living fecal matter out of me.

You, sir. Need to grow the hell up... You are almost 50 years old, but you act like you are a spacey 18 year old, it's not professional. You not only irritate me, but you irritate everyone else I have spoken to. You are nosy, inconsiderate, selfish, and just a gigantic PAIN IN THE ASS! All you do is pity yourself and expect me to pity you... YOU'RE A GROWN ASS MAN. No one cares about you, and I have a feeling you can sense it, otherwise, why else would you need validation on EVERY SINGLE THING YOU DO... why do you come to me crying everyday about how horrible things are for you.
When I have people that I am speaking to, in my 'space', that means I am busy and you need to wait your fucking turn... Not interrupt. May I reiterate, that YOU'RE A GROWN ASS MAN! Do not come into my 'space' and ask to use something, then bring it back, and say to me 'Thank You', and EXPECT me to say 'You're Welcome'.... Are you fucking kidding me?! ALL that you do is annoy everyone... I don't HAVE to fucking talk to you if I don't want to... Is that fucking childish... NO! BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING ANNOYING! You think that it's 'okay' to come into my 'space', and stand in the doorway and literally talk to me for a FULL HOUR completely about yourself. I GET FUCKING ANNOYED that you are taking up my time. I have shit to do... I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS!

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SPACE AND PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS YOU FUCKING TWAT!


JESUS H. CHRIST.

I'm done.  

Wealthy Knowledge

Books.

I recently bought several books from Amazon about parenting and a few about death and dying, including one that I am excited about getting in the mail that has factual research completed discussing life after death. In this life there is not a lot of time for us to be twiddling our thumbs, or getting balls-deep into shit that doesn't matter, i.e. Facebook, fictional movies, video games, internet browsing, etc. We all know what wastes our time, we just choose not to recognize it because we are comfortable where we are and what we are doing. My husband has been a book-worm for this past year now, and it truly inspires me to see him gaining all of this knowledge that it makes me want to start on myself as well.

Lately, after doing some self-reflecting with my husband, I have interests right now in; the 'Death Industry', the after-life, history, and parenting. Sort of a weird combo, but I suppose that it can be seen as learning about the start of life and learning about the end of life. I can tell you that I am EXTREMELY excited to learn more and to continue buying books. I would be SO OVERJOYED if my Eye Doctor can fix my vision to where I am able to read for a long period of time, that would be PERFECTION to me!

If you are interested in the 'Death Industry', I would recommend reading "Smoke Gets in your Eyes - & Other Lessons from the Crematory" by Caitlin Doughty.

She brings examples of what she has learned in the Crematory/Mortuary and life experiences with a humor to what would seem like a morbid situation. Totally my cup-o'-tea. Love it!

It is rainy today... and all the college students are out on Spring Break, including my Boss. I am here though, manning-down-the-fort. I will be reading :)

Ciao!     

It's the Freakin'-Weekin'

Let's try my hand at some erotic-fan fiction shall we? Let's see if my imagination can fly.

She walks into a laundry-mat carrying her heavy basket of clothes. She listens to the old glass front door swing back in place behind her as she notices all eyes are on her unfortunately. These eyes pierce into her soul it seems, that's why she doesn't make eye-contact with others. She keeps her head down to her basket of clothes as she attempts to find an empty washer to use. The smell of all brands of dryer sheets and a smell of dampness fills her nostrils.

She finds the last empty washing machine in the joint, and sets down her basket of laundry. She suddenly was blinded by a reflection hitting her in the eyes from the sunlight through the window reflecting off of someone's cell phone. She holds her hand over her forehead to block the light to see who it is that blinded her... she sees a life-form sitting burly on the wooden bench across the room who is apparently trying to get her attention. To avoid interaction, she ignores the sunlight hitting her in the face blinding her and kept her head down to just focus on getting her clothes washed. To her unpleasant surprise, he walks up to her and stands next to her basket of clothes on the floor she was working from. Panicked, she tries to pretend that she doesn't see him for one, and pulls her basket closer to her to indicate that he has invaded her bubble of space. The man apparently seems to have some hand jewelry because he then began to tap it against the machine next to her as an indication that he is waiting for her to look up... her next decision was to study the man's shoes to figure out what kind of guy this is... he is wearing Vans shoes, the shoes have been well taken care of, hardly any wear-n-tear. Her intuition of this guy is that he's a skater-type guy, enjoys adventure, friendly apparently, and will most likely have a good looking face given the condition he keeps of his shoes, but why in the hell is he wearing hand jewelry?

When she finishes the last bit of clothes, and closes the door of the washer to start it, she stands up straight and turns toward him...

To Be Continued.

     

Frightening Event

Hives.

I can't believe it happened AGAIN. Last night while running the bleachers at the local track, my feet began to tingle and so did my finger tips. I knew at that point that my body was beginning it's, now typical, allergic reaction to something. But what in the Hell is it?!

This has happened to me about 4-5 times now within the last 2 years and each incident shows up randomly when I am working out. My husband and I are trying to figure it out, but we have come to some conclusions.

• I've worn a particular track jacket each time this has happened. (it was washed, not dirty)
• I've worn the same shoes each time this has happened.

Now I don't know if those two things combined with sweat has anything to do with it, or if it's friction between the clothing item/shoe with my body. I am starting to think it's the friction causing the heat/sweat to enter my body.

A glimpse into what happened last night:

I finished running my second set of stairs, and I began to feel that tingly sensation on the bottoms of my feet and the fingertips in my hands. I told my husband that we needed to go home immediately. Of course we rode our bike/skateboard to the track, so we had at least half a mile to get home as quickly as possible so that I can take my antihistamine. I get home, go up the stairs to our apartment as quickly as possible, unlock the door, storm into the bathroom... at this point my eyes are almost swollen shut... ripped open the medicine cabinet and tried to find the medicine. Finally found it, stumbled to the couch (I was beginning to black out again), laid down and tried to relax myself. I was breathing rapidly, like I had just ran a marathon.. and that pattern of breathing continued until the antihistamine kicked in. My whole body began to turn red, my face was swollen as Hell.. and then the god-awful itch arose all over my body. I was sweating like crazy, it was hard to breathe, it felt like I was dying or something or just really REALLY sick. I felt like I could puke several times, but knew if I did that the medicine wouldn't work. I tried to keep telling myself that I need to calm myself down or else it's going to get worse. My husband was there for me, doing as I had asked of him, which was a HUGE help. I knew he was very frustrated and scared, I was scared too.

It took a few hours for my body to finally be 'okay'... but I still couldn't get up without being lightheaded, so from 6:30-9:30, I was out... I couldn't do anything. I went to bed at 9:30 or so and slept through the whole night. This morning I feel a lot better, but my finger tips and feet are sore / a little bit numb feeling.

Any of you out there have any suggestions or can relate to these same circumstances? It is only when I am working out that this happens. A PA in the past had told me that I should just take antihistamines before working out, every time. But I just want to know what it is coming from, because it doesn't happen every time I work out, only randomly (or so I think).

Visionary... My Vision is Scary.

Welcome Friends.

I am about to say, to hell with it, and get my eyes Lasik'ed... I am currently seeing SUPER blurry text as I type this, and my vision just seems to be getting worse and worse. I have night/day contacts and for the past several years, have slept in them.. as you can with those kind of contacts. Unfortunately... my vision is currently -7.50 in BOTH EYES! My right eye is starting to develop an astigmatism and it has been driving me completely insane. I have been wanting to read my GD books, and I can only read a few pages before I have to completely close one eye in order to see a line of text.
I don't know whether my eye doctor has just 'given up' on trying to correct my vision or there is no hope for me, because each time I go in, he helps it VERY slightly... but doesn't correct the blurriness. all he does is make my contacts power higher and higher every time I go in. I am starting to wonder if maybe I should see a specialist or something in the bigger city, or if I should spend the thousands of dollars to get LASIK. I tell you what. I have about had it with these damn vision problems... I would imagine that staring at the sun off and on during childhood didn't help my case one bit.
Sigh...

Wish me luck that I don't gouge out my eyeballs.

A Day To Celebrate!

You may call her an Irish Princess.:)

Happy Birthday, Sydnie!

My Best Friend turns 26 today!

Pity-Party... Party of 1

Exhausted.

I am not sure how many times we have discussed having people over at our apartment past midnight... but I know it has been more than 3 times. I am trying to look at the bright side, however, in knowing that my husband needed someone else to talk to, as he has been going through a lot of negative feelings and thoughts from his path in life. He really did need a friend, but I also really need sleep.

I could actually feel myself going in and out of REM sleep... (Rapid-Eye-Movement - deepest active dreaming sleep). After my body realized that it was fully awake, I was furious... but then. I thought about how he needed someone to talk to, and tried to give it my all to just try and fall back asleep. Alas, no such luck... I was awake for about an hour and a half (it was 2:30 a.m. by this time).

I know... pity-party, party of one.

Oh well, the only thing that I can do from this point is to tell myself that today is going to be a good day, and press onward. No sense in dwelling, I am awake and at work now.

I hope someday he listens to me though, and values the things that I ask... just as I do for him.

 

Duff Beer for Me, Duff Beer for You

Wait... Where's my Beer?

My husband and I had a conversation yesterday about what we want in life, what our goals are. Being newly-weds, we are just beginning to find out that our ideas don't mesh completely together as one cohesive idea (What the Hell?!). All I have been hearing is what HE wants... but what the Hell do I want? I want to be happy too, where's my Duff Beer at?

Thus far... my plan as a wife was to have a job as a second income, not bringing home the thick strips of bacon, but some bacon bits to help support our lifestyle habits. I wanted to go to my job, which I do currently enjoy quite a bit, come home and then relax with my husband. This is a key point of happiness for me. Our situation isn't where I had pictured it at all though... but I suppose that is what most people would respond to me as, "Life". As a planner, this can get very frustrating... but what can I do about it? Make a new plan I guess?

Another goal that I have been thinking about is actually getting out of this area. I have lived in this small tri-city farming community for 17 years, I have grown very comfortable staying here around most all of my family. I feel that in order to experience this life, that I should at least TRY to move away for a while, and experience things on my own without the comfort of family support. This would also mean moving away from what little friends are left here to attempt to make new ones. This is kind of scary to me, but now that I am thinking about it... if I get involved in Co-Ed sports, I could easily make friends with those who have the same interests as I do! Maybe I will start looking at new areas in Oregon to explore and see if Hubby is down for it? (OOOoo! Now I am getting kind of excited about the thought of it!)

The last major goal, was to own a house... we aren't sure where we want our homestead to be, but our goal is to find one eventually. A couple of ideas that we have talked about was buying a home then starting an 'isolation-tank' business from out of a shop we would have. We not only could use the tank ourselves therapeutically, but it could be a source of income. I am not completely sure about that idea, but I suppose I would need to research the up-keep of the tanks to get a good feel for it. We had also discussed traveling. I am not sure if we would be able to travel AS WELL as own a home.. we aren't sure what would be more expensive at this point... to rent and travel, or own and travel. We want to travel for about a month somewhere to take in culture of another country, just need to be able to plan that b*tch out first somehow...

So..

1. Successful & Happy Career/Job
2. Moving out of Town
3. Buying a Home and/or Traveling.

Can anyone help us decide what order we should do these things in? It is driving both of us crazy...

'I want to ride my bicycle.... I want to ride my biiike'

March 8th, 2015 - First Bike Ride!

O - M - G

I absolutely am in LOVE with my new bicycle! It has been years since I have had a 'new' bike. I have been holding out on posting this mainly because the same day we bought this bike, it was later that same day, my husband's bike was stolen. :(

That morning we planned out our day, and we decided we should go around bike shopping. We started locally to see what the shops had, but there wasn't that huge of a selection. We pressed onward to the capital of Idaho to see some friends and continue our bike shopping. My husband really wanted to stop by his friend's tattoo shop to see how he was doing. His friend let us know NOT to buy from Wally-World due to the crappy materials they use to build the bicycle. In my head, I was thinking... well shit, because I had planned on buying a particular one I had my eye on for only $150. I suppose his friend was right though... why in the hell is a bike selling for $150?? Because it is made with shitty material and it just won't last.

We took his friend's advice and hit up a couple of local shops there in town which had WAY more selection. We stopped by the first recommended shop, looked around for a little while at the mountain bikes that my husband was Oogling over. We then made our way over to the side of the shop which had the 'Cruiser' style bicycles. In my head, the song... 'I'm in Heaven...' popped in. There were SO many cute bikes, but they were also very much expensive ones too. I noticed they had a style called Townie.. and the super cute colors they had. The one that caught my eye though was the Peach Color bike with Turquoise wheels that another gal was holding, and wanting to take for a test ride. She barely had walked up to that one as I had walked into that section. I listened closely to see if maybe when the gal got back that she would decide she wouldn't want that bicycle after-all so that way I could ride it, and make my purchase. But no.. She fell in love just as I did... and bought the bike. My heart sank, I REALLY loved the look of that bike. I told my husband that we should try the next store.

We left, got to the next shop, and went straight to the 'Townie's' section. O - M - G, the EXACT SAME BIKE WAS THERE!!! Same color, same wheels, same cuteness! All I wanted to do was just take the bike up to the register and check out, but I knew that wouldn't be smart, especially if I didn't try the other bikes too. We tried the other bikes, but the peach beauty was always in the corner of my eye. I was freaked out that another gal might come in and snatch it right up. After test riding it, it was a dream. My husband kept suggesting, well maybe you should get a mountain bike, that way we can take it anywhere? But my heart was set on this 7-speed... there was no changing my mind. Squealing all the way home after the purchase, we were both SO excited to ride bikes together when we got home that day.

We made it home, but something was... off. Ryan's bike was not attached to the railing near our front steps... just the bike lock was left. Ryan went into shock and then a slow rage... (as anyone would)... Ryan's bike was stolen while we were shopping. :( I felt completely horrible. Here I was with a new bike, and his bike that he had worked extremely hard on, is now obsolete.

We called the police, made a police report, and glumly went back upstairs to our apartment. We both hoped that whoever stole it got into a wreck due to the fact it was a fixed gear, Peugeot road bike with no brakes. :) We also hope that they get sick of it and dump it somewhere for the police to find. All we can do is wait.. We have posted on social media as well as craigslist that it had been stolen. My poor baby. Someday we can go on a bike ride together, we hope it is sooner rather than later.